Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Counting.....1,2,3.

It seems as though I am always "counting".  Medical counts that is.  What are your tumor markers?  What are your cbc counts?  What does your urine look like?  "Well....it's sort of  yellow?????"  Is that the right answer I wonder.  Any way, it seems that everyone wants to keep track of my counts.  That is pretty cool in a way, because it means that they truly want the in depth on how I am doing.  It is kind of a bummer though, because it means I am usually giving them some sort of bad news.  Most of the time my counts are low.  Today they are.  I had to have them done a few days early because of travel plans.  It doesn't surprise me that they are all low, because once again I have the dread version of adult chicken pox.  Shingles they are called.  Don't worry, I am not contagious.  Dang things.  There is one splotch on my body te size of a coaster.  Just enough of a presence to require antibiotics, more blankety blank steroids, and some amazing medicine to take for knocking me out so I don't itch. 

In addition to all the medical counting, I count dates.  What dates do I have appointments and who needs to know these appointments?  I have to sync my calender with several people so that I don't miss out on stuff.  I thank God for outlook.  My pc is in for repair, so it is counting all these synced appointments without me.  I have been a bit lost without it.  Not only do I count "counts" and dates, but I am counting medicines too.  I didn't think that I would have to take this much medicine till I was old and senile.  But here I am at the ripe younish age of 45 making sure I take my medicines at the right time and in the right amount.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I sound bitter, but I am not.  Really it is much more a tone of sarcastic melancholy.  It is what it is.  Resistance is futile to quote my treckie friends.  Acceptance is more than necessary when you have all this counting to do.  So,  I accept this counting challenge.  Wishing I was more focused, and then I just count.  1,2,3.....

Monday, August 22, 2011

Husbands take heed.

If you should happen to have a wife with cancer you should take heed.  When their hair falls out, and the lashes too, they have a tiny tummy but a bloated mid section above their waist band, and they are tired all the time for no reason but chemo, they need you to tell them this. 

You are beautiful and I love you.  My husband and best friend told me these words last night and they made me cry.  I guess I didn't realize how important it is to me that he loves me and still thinks I am pretty.  It isn't just that he said the words.  It is the way he looked deep into my eyes and put mush into his voice when he said them.   I could feel the emotion.  Heck, don't go waiting around for your wife to get sick with something.  Just grab her right now and tell her she is beautiful and that you love her.  It will mean so much.  I know it means the world to me.

That man o' mine still makes me goofy when he says those things. 

Trodelvy trial failed.