Moving through life with terminal cancer

Let me just start by saying that people crack me up.  I do mean in a ha ha laugh out loud sort of way.  People hear that you have metastatic breast cancer and choose to only hear the breast cancer part.  Susan G Komen has the public so programmed with the words march for the cure, that people just focus on cure.  But breast cancer reoccurs in a large majority of women.  Once you have breast cancer you are monitored for years if not for the rest of your life.  People don't consider that metastasis is terminal.  So, I often find myself explaining it to them.  What I have is terminal, and there is a time frame on my life.  The difference between the average person and I is that we are both dying, but I have an idea of the basic time.  Most women live 5 years from diagnosis, others can live as long as 10 and completely baffle oncologists by doing this.  The statistics beyond 10 years are few.  I realize that this is profoundly true in a lot of different types of metastasis.  My husband lost his father this week to bladder cancer that had become metastasis.  It was very sad to watch him be ill, and then decline.  I watched him be sick with different eyes than everyone else though.  What I saw was my future.  I saw how it affected his family and his children.  My husband in particular.  It is bitter sweet.  I know that I want to be as concerned for my family and their well being as Kamel was.  One of the most touching things was that he wanted to make sure the batteries in the fire alarm were fresh.  Kamel, thank you for showing me to be concerned with even the smallest details as I move through my life with cancer. 

Why do I tell  you this?  Well, despite the fact that I have a better idea of when I am dying I still am living.  Part of this is moving from Texas to Colorado.  I have a lot of family between my  inlaws, and my own side.  So, here we are!  Today, we closed on our new home, and will be moving in around Tuesday if not sooner.  Hopefully sooner.  One of the first things that I will do is check the fire alarms and replace the batteries. 


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