my body is becoming my enemy

Hello friends,

Hasn't this Summer gone so quickly?  It started out very busy and fun and lately has been just routine and regular.  I have fallen back into a routine of living from chemo to chemo and from one oncology appointment to the next.  At my most recent appointment a week ago, we discussed the possibility that my extremely bloated mid section could be caused by fluid build up in my abdominal cavity.  I will be going in for a ct scan on the 29th, but that is over 2 weeks away.  In the meanwhile, I am as I said, living from appointment to appointment.  Don't get me wrong, I have had fun in the in-between times.  We took time out for a trip to Tx to see our son.  It was a  quick visit, but I enjoyed every second of it.  I have taken a couple of trips downtown Chicago with my daughter, and have spent a lot of time just relaxing in the yard with the Mo bear.  The past few weeks I have walked Sadie's little paws ragged going out to play pokemon go with her and the rest of the family.  You are never too old to play you know.  
I would like to say I have living with cancer down pat, but things are always changing.  I feel the fluid in my lungs increasing.  It makes it harder and harder to breathe.  I have the aforementioned possible fluid  in my abdomen, or perhaps I have just become obese.  My level of pain and discomfort has been steadily increasing and I no longer feel comfortable within my own body.  It is as if it has waged war on me.  One thing I can state is this.  It can destroy my body, but it will never take my soul or change my mind and heart!  Part of taking back control of my body is asking for a referral to speak with a counselor at my next oncology appointment.  I am also going to check in to what I need to do to have Sadie become an emotional support dog.  My anxiety is becoming an issue again, despite medication for it, and I feel myself giving in to panic attacks.  She is laser targeted in to that anxiety and will start licking me as if to calm me down.  Such an amazing little soul Sadie has.  
So folks, be looking for my latest video in a few hours, and I will see you next week when I upload part two, "living with metastatic breast cancer".
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