Originally posted as "Cancer, Why You? Why Not You?" on ezinearticles.com

Hello Friends,

A three post blog week? Unheard of right? Well I have been trolling my name on google and couldn't believe all the old articles, posts and blogs I had floating out there in the web quagmire. This one was pretty detailed with my "story" Of course. there have been a lot of things that have happened since the original posting of the on . If you have been following in recent history, you've shared those new events with me. If you are just finding me for the first time, then this story will show you the beginning. Reading through my recent (three years now) blog posts here will catch you up on the middle. You'll just have to keep following to find out how it all ends. LOL!

soooo, here is the posted article I wrote on ezine:



Cancer! You hear that word and it sends terror rippling down your spine. Cancer has stalked me since I was 8 yrs old. I am now 45. Let me share a short story of the cancer in my life.

At 8, shortly after the death of my father, my mom found out she had bilateral breast cancer. When she explained what that meant to me and my sisters we were frightened we would lose her also. She chose to have a double mastectomy. No chemo or radiation. That was in 1975. She is still a survivor here in the year 2010. I knew that the odds of cancer being passed down to either my two sisters or myself were high. I did my montlhy exams. As well as yearly visits for my gynecological exam. Life went by uneventfully for many years.

In my teen years I met the boy who would one day be my husband. That is a whole other story getting us to the point where we being husband and bride. Once married, we did the usual matrimonial things. We set up house, held down jobs and had a couple of kids. Then one day it happened. My beloved began to sleep. I'm not talking taking Sunday naps in front of the tv. This sleep was, get up, go to work, eat dinner then sleep from dinner time till it was time to get up for work. This cycle continued for months. We both assumed this fatigue was due to a job transition and upcoming move from Colorado to Texas. Once we moved to Texas the cycle continued. At first we said, the constant tiredness is due to adjusting to a new state, and new job. Months went by and I set up a Doctor appointment for my fella. I called him at work and told him he had an appointment with the Doctor that afternoon and he better go cause I was going to be there waiting for him. Over the course of several weeks, the Dr. ran tests for Tuberculosis, Epstein barr virus, mono, and then finally the dreaded C word came up. The test was run, and we went home to wait. There is a lot of waiting in Cancer. One day I opened my mail and found a letter from my insurance company pre-approving my guy for chemotherapy. No one had told us he had cancer. Talk about freaking out. My guy and I went to the Doc and she said "does he look like a man who has cancer to you?" After I gave her a piece of my mind for saying "if I could look at a man or woman and say this one has cancer and this one is well, you would be out of a job, and how the heck do you explain an insurance company giving permission for treatments if the Dr didn't authorize them?" We never went back.

We got a second opinion and found out that my 30 something yr old hubby had a cancer called chronic lymphocitic leukemia. A disease primarily diagnosed in Senior citizens. We were shocked. I was shocked. I had always expected I would get breast cancer, and that he would stay well based on our family histories. He went through 4 months of chemo, and then took 3 yrs worth of alpha interferon shots every other day to help him stay in remission.

He was told at the end of 4 months of treatments that his cancer was in remission. I won't forget that date. It was March 1 1998. That was the night I felt a lump under my armpit. That lump kept me up all night. I had the appropriate tests and a crazy surgical situation where the doc took healthy tissue and left me a great big lump of cancer. A second surgery by a different surgeon removed the cancer and gave me a partial mastectomy. Hard to deal with but I was glad to be alive. I had 6 months of chemo and 33 radiation treatments.

Now you are not going to believe what happened next. Here goes. I began to take a hormone therapy to prevent breast cancer re-occurrence called tamoxifen. My cancer was estrogen positive, so this drug was meant to suppress estrogen. Here is what happened after I began the medicine. I began bleeding as though I had a heavy period even though my periods have never been regular. This happened for many months. Finally my ob/gyn ran some tests. As a side effect of the tamoxifen I had developed endometrial cancer. Say what?!? So out came my lady parts. I decided against Doctors advice to cease taking the tamoxifen because of the other side affects that may be possible. This was in the year 2000.

So, You might be saying, "that all sucks so bad." It wasn't easy to go through at all, but I don't see it as something sad. Here is what my husband said when first diagnosed. When everyone was ringing their hands and saying "Why you" He was smiling and saying "why not me Who better than a person of faith to get ill with something like this. If for no other reason than to show that it won't shake my faith" Wow, that made an impact on me and so many other people. His example made me so much stronger and more faithful when I went through it. Cancer blessed us. It taught us compassion for others. Helped my children to be more empathetic to others no matter what their situation. It brought us all so much closer as a family. Plus we got to learn so many great scientific things. LOL. That was hardly the biggest bonus from all that we went through. We learned that cancer isn't terrifying. It is something you live with. In the same way that a diabetic lives with their disease daily, my husband lives with his chronic cancer as well. The biggest bonus of it all is that it has helped us all to seize the day. Live in the moment. Argue less, laugh more. And we always know that today is better than yesterday but not as good as tomorrow. As a family who has come through cancer and are now on the other side, I can see that cancer or not, It is truly a beautiful life.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5459769


Thank you so much for stopping by,

Leslie

Colorado chemo break

The past week has been a great break from chemo.  I get a week off and it amounts to 13 days between treatments.  We spent most of that time in Colorado visiting both sides of our families, and also house hunting.  You see I have mets bc, and my hubby has cll.  That stands for chronic lymphocytic leukemia.  Both of our cancers are till death do us part kinds of cancers.  We will always have it until there is a cure.  The drug companies have no serious motivation to find a  cure as long as people keep sending them money for treatments.  That is just my humble opinion as a cancer insider.  With both of us having the big C, we have discovered how important it is to surround yourself with family and friends.  All of our family is in Colorado, hence the house shopping.  We may have found a home, but the sellers have until Friday to let us know.  Say your prayers and keep your fingers crossed for us. 

Tomorrow is back to the usual chemo routine of three weeks on and one week off for me.  Still I am taking the massive horse pill antibiotics for shingles.  They are all gone and I am better.  Having to take them till the bottle is empty is a chore.  You know what happens if you don't take all your antibiotics right?  Your illness can come back.  Who wants that?  Not me.  The night before chemo I usually spend cleaning up stuff I won't feel like cleaning while the few days after treatment.  Since we just returned from out trip, I needed to do these things anyway.  Stuff like clean the tub, run laundry, and deep cleaning the kitchen.  I am all done with that and now I wait for tomorrow.  I'm all hopped up on steroids, counting down.  Tick tock!

Husbands take heed.

If you should happen to have a wife with cancer you should take heed.  When their hair falls out, and the lashes too, they have a tiny tummy but a bloated mid section above their waist band, and they are tired all the time for no reason but chemo, they need you to tell them this. 

You are beautiful and I love you.  My husband and best friend told me these words last night and they made me cry.  I guess I didn't realize how important it is to me that he loves me and still thinks I am pretty.  It isn't just that he said the words.  It is the way he looked deep into my eyes and put mush into his voice when he said them.   I could feel the emotion.  Heck, don't go waiting around for your wife to get sick with something.  Just grab her right now and tell her she is beautiful and that you love her.  It will mean so much.  I know it means the world to me.

That man o' mine still makes me goofy when he says those things. 

Where did this pain come from?

Here I am the day after chemo, and I think I am doing really great.  It isn't unusual for me to go grocery shopping the day after chemo, or even to be doing light house work.  So, this is pretty normal for me. Except today I feel a LOT of pain in my arm and I am bloated on my right side.  (liver maybe?)   The crushing tiredness has not yet kicked in.  But I feel it creeping up much faster than it usually does.  Plus I am finding myself a bit more grumpy and sort of tearful than usual.  What is the deal with the emotions huh?  It is not something I am enjoying.  Let me tell you what (to quote Hank Hill)

That is all that is going on here.

The energy yo yo.

Today was a great day.  I made plans to get up early and go to breakfast with my family.  I know that if I make myself do something then I end up finding energy.  So, I have chemo on Friday and by Wednesday I begin to feel my energy come back.  That gives me a whole day or two of feeling like a human before my next chemo.  YAY!  That is why I love the almost two weeks between treatments when I have my week off.  It makes it so hard to go back for the first treatment.  I feel so good that the idea of purposely making myself feel bad is completely unattractive.  If there were an and date to this it would be different.  Like if I knew that there was only 6 months of treatment and it would be over.  But it never ends until we move on to the next effective drug therapy.  Uggggh.  I guess that I am just feeling sorry for myself and don't really want to go for chemo on Friday.  What a wimp huh? 

Good news makes me happy

Well people,
It is so great to go get your boring ol blood work and doctor visit and get good news.  My lung ex ray shows that the chemo is making the fluid go away.  A month ago it was about half as much as it was 3 months ago without having to have it drained.  This week it was about half of that.  I fluid in the right side (that was always the side that would have more than a liter) is only in the bottom lobe.  The left side only has a tiny amount.  Considering that about 4 months ago I was drowning in my own juice, this is great news on its own.  Then there is the news that my tumor markers have gone down.  The said it was an insignificant amount.  It is at 54 and >38 is what they want.  Of course I say a big fat 0 sounds good.

Three months ago, My right arm was swollen to twice its size.  My hand had such horrible numbness.  It's still numb, but it is a side effect of the chemo and not a big deal compared to what it was.   So, I can deal with this.  I can breath, my hand has feeling, my tumor markers are down.  I have energy.  Of course I am bald and have no eyelashes.  LOL.  I will take alive anyway I can get it YO!   

Oh the way you make me feel.

Chemo, Oh the way you make me feel.
The days of anxiety that lead up to our meeting. 
How right after I am with you my appetite is fleeting.
I feel your chemicals as they flow through my body.
You make me weak, and I don't enjoy eating.

Gradually my energy begins to build and to flow.
 I have my strength once more.
Then before you know it, it is time to go.
Back to you again dear chemo.

Chemo the day before

Most folks hear the word chemo and think it is something that you go in for and that's that.  It doesn't work quite like that.  Some folks take chemo by pill at home on a certain schedule.  Others go to an infusion room at a hospital or clinic.  They receive their treatment by IV.  This is how I get my chemo.  But it isn't just a day.  There is prep work.  For instance.  I have to take 5 steroids in the evening before.  This equals about 20 mg.  They make my heart beat fast, and often give me a headache.  Fun times!  No, really it is just an inconvenient necessity.  

So, today is Thursday.  The day before chemo.  I am anticipating having to take those steroids all day long.  Not with excitement mind you.  No, with dread.  But I will do it, because I have to. Tomorrow I will wake, eat something bland so I don't get sick later.  Then I will head off to the center.  Once there, they will draw my blood.  After they determine that my counts are within a range that is safe to have chemo, I will head back to the infusion room.  Lately I have been popping a couple Tylenol at this point to prevent getting a headache. If I get a headache during chemo I usually barf.  Then the chemo nurse hooks me up to premeds, which are more steroids and an anti-nausea medicine.  That takes about a half an hour.  Then one big gun chemo drug after another.  I take two drugs, Taxol and Avastin.  All of these thing happen between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m.  When I finish my wonderful husband takes me home, gives me something for nausea.  Then I pretty much lay around for the rest of the day feeling out of it and tired. 

That is what it is like the day before and the day of.  Just in case you are curious about what having mets breast cancer is like.

Chemo, the day after hangover.

You may be wondering as you start your journey down any road of chemo.  Well, If you have ever been a naughty youngster who imbibed in a night of overzealous drinking, then you will know what a horrible hangover feels like.  If you have  never had the horror of this experience, then think of what it feels like when you have the onset of the flu. 

Here is how it goes down:
You are achy, tired, nauseous.  There is not a position to be found that you are comfortable in.  Your internal temperature may be off.  At one moment you feel hot and the next you're cold.  Okay, it sounds bad.  It really isn't awful.  Since you are tired and have no energy your family and friends will be really helpful to you at this time.  My wonderful hubby, son and daughter take great care of me. For this I am expressly grateful. 

Day three tends to be my worst day, and then after that I start feel a bit more zippy.  Despite my tiredness I try to make myself do my normal chores so that I continue to feel productive.  Today I have folded clothes, emptied trash cans, and emptied the dishwasher with a lot of help from my peeps.

Let me leave you with this word of hope.  There are brighter days ahead.  When you look back on the days you thought were dark, time will show you that there were rays of light there all along