Personal value, moving, and all the puppy you can handle.

Hello my friends,

How are you enjoying Spring so far? It has been cold and then warm here in Tn. Schizophrenic weather to say the least. But it looks as if we may be in for a long term warm up in the week ahead. Spring is the best part of the year for me. I LOVE warm weather. I could live in a year of warm weather and be such a happy happy girl. So tell me, what is your favorite season? Are you a warm or cold weather sort of person? Leave your comments. I really enjoy reading them.

Now on to talking about personal value. A hotly debated topic. When I worked, I envied stay at home moms. When I was a stay at home mom, working moms had issue with me. Working from home and being a stay at home mom put me in a minority with other moms who were either a worker or a mom. Being a stay at home/homeschooling/home business mom really made me a odd one. We all tend to value one life type over another. Now I am a forced to not work mom. I can't lift more than 10 pounds. That made working at target, for the short time I was there, pretty miserable. But I did it, because I had to. Fatigue is another thing that keeps me away from the 9-5. Also days like the past two, would make it impossible to be responsible to an employer because, Let's just say I needed to stay close to the rest room. Enough said? One of the lovely side affects of xeloda is intestinal distress. Lovely words! LOL. Anyway, back to the personal value. We all judge each other so harshly. We should be encouraging and supporting one another. It can be truly soul crushing to have a terminal disease, and then to not be able to do what you wish you could to help your family out financially. OIJ! It just sucks sometimes. My family values my contributions. I knoow that they do, but I do wish, (and I think they do too secretly) that I were able to enrich our lives with a financial contribution. When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them "I'm retired." Often then look impressed, and say "you must have done very well financially" Nope, I was just forced to spend this part of my life, using all my minutes to stay alive. Yesterday I did some math:

In the past three years I've had

12 PET scan

6 MRI's

36 chest x-rays

108 cbc's

54 tumor marker tests

6 plural effusions (sticking a needle into the lung to drain fluid)

3 cat scans

I am not at all complaining. First of all because I am super grateful that I have insurance to cover a big chunk of the costs.(thanks to Mo and his hard work and dedication at his job) Second because all these diagnostic tests have kept my care team in the know about my cancers progression and remissions. Finally, 3rd, these tests are protocol. They determine the course of my care. With out these tests, we couldn't create the road map of my treatment.

Could you imagine being an employer who had an employee like me? here is the conversation:

ME: "Excuse me boss, could I have tomorrow of to get a Pet scan?"

Boss: "Sure, this is a one time thing right?"

Me: "no, I need one every three months for the rest of my life, or until metastatic breast cancer is cured."

Boss: "You expect me to give you a day off every three months, indefinitely?"

Me: " not just a day off, there will be occasions where my chemo makes me barf uncontrollably for days at a time, and I will have to use sick time for that as well"

Boss: "ummmm.....

Me: " plus my chemo could change from oral meds to infusions, which would mean I'd have to take time off for treatment days. Some treatments are a day a week for three weeks, and some are three days a week for three weeks" Plus, I shouldn't be exposed to sick people during treatment (like that's avoidable)"

Boss: I think it would be better for our company if we allow you to quit" (which is what target told me, because they didn't want to fire me for health reasons)

So, I can't change it. I have to live with it. That's my life now. I love life, so I will fight for it. Like the fight is a full time job. I guess that means, "I'm retired"

Now about the move. One more week and we close on the new house. I am so excited to settle down here in Tennessee. I can barely contain myself. I am having day dreams about where I am going to put things. Thinking about the things that are currently trapped in storage, and how they will get a new home soon. Remembering viewing the house and seeing all the different types of birds that flew in from the woods that will be behind our house. About a quarter of our land is wooded. Oh, we are going to have soooo much fun, hiking through our own yard. Also, I think about how happy the pups will be to have a yard. They are going to have so many smells to smell. There are wild turkeys, possum, skunk (yikes!) deer, bunnies, and other assorted small wild life. The dogs will go crazy! I can't wait. I'll keep you all posted about the move, and show you the house tour after we settle a bit.

Okay, on the the puppy. I have received a couple comments chastising me for not including any puppy footage in the last video. So here is a lot of puppy for those who missed Sadie last time;

So, whew, that was a really wordy blog. I hope that you found something useful in it. Enjoy the all the Sadie you can get this blog!

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