NED!-No Evidence Of disease

So, some of you know that I recently had a PET scan. Today I got my results. There is no evidence of disease. I am in remission! I still get to do chemo to keep me in remission, and when I am ready to I can take a couple of months break from the taxol, but they will keep me on the avastin. They will increase the amount of avastin, and of course I will continue to take zometa to strengthen my bones. So, it isn't a total break, but instead of three weeks on one week off, it would be once a month. So, for a few months this Spring and Summer I will take a break. YAY! The chances of the cancer reoccuring in the same spots I already have it are pretty great, But I am praying for a looooong remission!!

Great news!!!!!

Leslie

Women say dumb stuff to other women with cancer

Well, heck, men say dumb stuff too, but it hurts more when it comes from a sista.



I particular love hearing about all the "cures" and stuff that People "heared" about.

Leslie

Shake, Rattle and roll.

This week is a good week for me.  It is the week I have off in my three week on one week off cycle of Taxol/Avastan.  I always look forward to the week off.  I regain a bit of energy and some strength.  Learning to get around in the new house in Colorado is a bit challenging because there are stairs.  It is three levels so there are two level that use stairs.  The basement and the upstairs.  I lived in one level ranch style home in Texas.  Having the lung mets makes going up and down the stairs a breathless adventure.  But by the end of the third week of chemo my lungs are less fluid filled and it is easier to go up and down all those steps!

I noticed last night that the left lung, (the one they haven't done thorasentisis on) is filling up.  I could feel it shaking trying to fill with air, and hear the rattle of the fluid as I lay on my side in bed last night.  It shouldn't bother me, because they fill up a bit every month between treatments on my week off.  What bothers me is that it has always been the right side that has the greater amount of fluid and fills up.  but this time it is the left side also filling.  So, Last night I lay awake thinking about what it is like to live with your lungs battling against you.  I tossed and turned and rolled around in bed.  My heart was heavy and very sad.  It was the first time that I truly thought about my lungs.  They are so important, and they are sick.  Diseased with the breast cancer mets.  Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that the progress of my cancer has been controlled.  I just never really mourned the loss of function that I have.  So, last night I lay awake and wallowed in sadness for the things I am losing.

I pray that Cancer takes nothing more from me.  It has left my right arm painful and weak, with neuropothy in my right hand.  My pelvis is always is pain and walking or sitting in a strange position hurts, and my lungs are scared from having thoracentisis performed to remove fluid.  The left side has always been the stronger side and now it is getting weak.  I think it is all just a bit much.  The positive in this is that the doctor hasn't put me on oxygen yet.

Getting settled in Colorado

Getting settled in Colorado hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be.  Finding a new oncologist wasn't as hard as I thought.  It was all the moving and unpacking that took it out of me.  You see, I expect myself to be able to do all the thing that I used to do.  But since cancer has taken over my life, I find that I fatigue faster and can accomplish less.  The problem with me really is that I don't want to let anyone down, so I try to do as much as I used to be able to do, and it is exhausting.  Anyway.... getting settled has been pretty good now that most of the unpacking is done.  I have found an oncologist and already have 2 treatments under my belt.  Starting chemo over after having almost a month off from it freaked my body out though.  I do really like the new oncologist.  I will call him Dr. R.  And he has a really professional staff of nurses.  The things he is telling me and the tweaks to my treatment have been very positive and encouraging.  My sweet hubby is also seeing Dr. R as a new leukemia patient.  Fortunately he is asymptomatic and isn't being treated right now.


Other than adjusting to the dry cold weather, I think I will be just fine here.  Isn't life just a series of adjustments anyway?



Leslie

Moving through life with terminal cancer

Let me just start by saying that people crack me up.  I do mean in a ha ha laugh out loud sort of way.  People hear that you have metastatic breast cancer and choose to only hear the breast cancer part.  Susan G Komen has the public so programmed with the words march for the cure, that people just focus on cure.  But breast cancer reoccurs in a large majority of women.  Once you have breast cancer you are monitored for years if not for the rest of your life.  People don't consider that metastasis is terminal.  So, I often find myself explaining it to them.  What I have is terminal, and there is a time frame on my life.  The difference between the average person and I is that we are both dying, but I have an idea of the basic time.  Most women live 5 years from diagnosis, others can live as long as 10 and completely baffle oncologists by doing this.  The statistics beyond 10 years are few.  I realize that this is profoundly true in a lot of different types of metastasis.  My husband lost his father this week to bladder cancer that had become metastasis.  It was very sad to watch him be ill, and then decline.  I watched him be sick with different eyes than everyone else though.  What I saw was my future.  I saw how it affected his family and his children.  My husband in particular.  It is bitter sweet.  I know that I want to be as concerned for my family and their well being as Kamel was.  One of the most touching things was that he wanted to make sure the batteries in the fire alarm were fresh.  Kamel, thank you for showing me to be concerned with even the smallest details as I move through my life with cancer. 

Why do I tell  you this?  Well, despite the fact that I have a better idea of when I am dying I still am living.  Part of this is moving from Texas to Colorado.  I have a lot of family between my  inlaws, and my own side.  So, here we are!  Today, we closed on our new home, and will be moving in around Tuesday if not sooner.  Hopefully sooner.  One of the first things that I will do is check the fire alarms and replace the batteries. 


 

Calamity reigns unchecked

Hello people,
I am sick of cancer.  Living with it as a metastasis is not groovy.  Then there is the case of knowing so many people with it.  Right now, my wonderful husband, who also lives with chronic lymphosytic leukemia, is watching his father slip from the life because of cancer.  So, I looked for a different word for cancer, since I am sick of it.  It came up with these words as synonyms: affliction, bane, burden, calamity, cross, disaster, evil, jinx, ordeal, pestilence, plague, scourge, torment, tribulation, trouble, vexation.

Those words are all so descriptive.  They all make me think of other things than cancer.  Calamity seems to fit because it causes all sorts of secondary stuff that is calamity.  Watching all the things that are happening to Kamel ( My sweet husbands dad) it is calamity, and chaos.  It is stress, and frustration.  It is tears, and prayers, and waiting.  The past week I have watched a beautiful, calm, sweet woman, my sister in law Linda, have calamity rain down on her because of cancer.  I hate cancer.  She is working with her siblings making final arrangements, taking care of her Dad in the most gentle and loving manner.  She is helping her mom prepare for the inevitable in every way possible.  She is setting such a great example for me for when I may need to care for aging relatives.  My husband and his sister Linda have blown my mind at how when calamity came, then took the calm from calamity and gently, peacefully walked along the path the day layed out before them.  Amazing people.  Such a blessing to be related to then and have them for friends.  I am trying to take the calm out of calamity too.

Having cancer that is terminal and watching someone leaving this world from it is scary for me.  It is a reminder of the future.  I am going to choose to look the the parts of the future that come long before that.  The parts where I am living life to the fullest.  Spending time with friends and loved ones.  Shopping, seeing movies, taking trips, camping. (yea you heard me, camping) decorating my new home in Colorado.  Playing with nieces and nephews.  Coloring with them.  (something every adult should do is color every day)  I will be doing everything I can to live, really live.  I will try new things, and not let fear hold me back.  You should try new things too.  Tell calamity to go to hell where it belongs, and Live.  Just like Linda and Mo are.

If you want to give money for Breast cancer research, avoid buying pink products!

Please give your money directly to cancer research, if you want to help find a cure.  Those pretty pepto pink products only give a tiny fraction of their proceeds to help find a cure.  You would find a cure faster keeping your money in your pocket than buying trinkets and household appliances that you won't use.  All of the pink-tober product have a name, it is called pink washing.  You find pink products all year long, but mainly you will find the over saturation of breast cancer pink and Susan G Koman products in October.  Let me remind you of something far more important about October.  Do a self breast exam, get a mammogram, set up a physical.  Those things are far more important to do than buy a pink George Foreman grill! 

Leslie